Each and every break-up is unique, because every relationship is unique.
See if you recognise yourself in any of the scenarios below, all drawn from real-life experience:
You were married for years - 5, 10, 15, more. Your life has been shaped around the marriage, the home, the family. The break-up feels so much more than just something between the two of you: everything's up for grabs.
You’ve been waiting for the kids to grow up. Now might be the time, but you’re not sure. When ARE they 'grown up'? And it all looks so difficult. Maybe it’s best to leave it a bit longer. But haven't you said that before?....
This isn't the first time. Once again, a relationship that seemed so promising at the start has come to a disappointing end. You wonder if you're really cut out for marriage or anything resembling it. You wonder how much is your own fault, how much is theirs? Perhaps you're just destined to be alone?
It's not over yet, at least you don't think it is. But things between you are frequently really difficult. There's precious little intimacy or tenderness between you, and you're wrapped up in unexpressed thoughts and emotions much of the time. Sometimes you want it to end, sometimes you want it to carry on. Perhaps your partner will decide for you....
It's over and at times you're positively relieved. But there's SO much to sort out. You have options, but also constraints. You want to get it right, but there's a lot that's unknown. You're not even totally sure what you want any more.
You've been single a while and you know you want a partner, but when is the right time to try again? How do you go about it? You're concerned that history will just repeat itself; the prospect of another 'failure' in love is too awful to consider. How do you know it won't all happen again?
If any of the above strikes a chord with you, then I'm confident I can help. Perhaps you see yourself in more than one scenario?
My approach is likely to work well if you are EITHER
in a long-term relationship which is causing you high levels of unhappiness, stress, anxiety, anger, self-blame or other negative emotions
in the process of separating from your partner, and sometimes feel overwhelmed/uncertain by the emotions and/or the practical realities of break-up
now firmly single (probably living alone or as a single parent) but are struggling to adapt and find relief or contentment without a partner
simply overwhelmed by separation/divorce/being alone, no matter the reason