Time will heal.
You’ve heard that phrase many times I’m sure. It’s often used in connection with loss and heartbreak.
‘Time will heal’ people say, as if that’s all there is to say on the subject of recovering from loss.
And it’s true…..but only up to a point.
It’s true that in time you almost certainly will feel better than you do now.
But it’s not the whole truth. There’s a crucial missing piece in the message ‘time will heal’. A missing piece that, if ignored, means that THREE negative outcomes are very likely:
- the healing will taker a lot longer than necessary
- the healing won’t be as whole or complete as it could be
- there will be an increased risk of damage in the future
The missing piece is this: what we consciously do ourselves in order to heal the wounds of separation.
It’s rather like when we’re physically injured or ill. It’s of course true that our bodies have an amazing capacity to self-heal. If we experience a small cut then we may bleed, but the skin will also straight away start to mend itself. The bleeding will usually soon stop and the wound will start to close.
If we encounter bacteria or viruses then the body’s own immune system will fight them on our behalf without any conscious intervention from us.
But if the wound or condition is bad enough then we need to seek help from elsewhere – remedies and medications and healings from various sources. And even with a small cut we may wash it or put on a plaster.
We do things that support the natural healing process.
Some wounds, some illnesses require our intervention as quickly as possibly. And with some conditions, failure to seek effective help can result in chronic, debilitating effects. There can be ugly scars or permanent weakness.
In short, things can be a whole lot worse than they need to be if we don’t do something about it.
Do we simply look at a wound and say “aah, time will heal”? Of course not. We consciously act to help the healing process along.
And exactly the same is true of the wounds of heartbreak, of the potential wounds of the end of a major relationship. There are things we can do to help our minds and our hearts heal after separation. Things we can do that will assist the healing process, and to minimise the risk of long-lasting, damaging effects.
A good way of describing the experience my clients get with me is that I provide help and guidance with the ‘things we can do’.
This can include help with:
- managing grief, anger and other emotions
- self-belief, confidence and trust
- parenting issues
- dealing with the ex
- boundaries and communication
- finding a sense of ease
- making wise choices
- understanding options
- couples mediation
- loving again
- re-building a satisfying life
So, wherever you are on the journey out of relationship, the next time someone says to you ‘don’t worry, time will heal’, just remind yourself that actually that’s only half the truth.
There are plenty of things you can do that will help you feel better a lot more quickly and effectively than just waiting for time to pass.