Each and every break-up is unique, because every relationship is unique. But there are some typical outer circumstances.

If you recognise yourself in any aspect of the scenarios below - all based on real-life experience - then there's a very high chance you'll benefit from what I can offer:

You were married for many years. Your life has been shaped around the marriage, the home, the family. The break-up feels so much more than just something between the two of you: everything feels vulnerable. You feel shocked,  fragile, uncertain.  You question who you are now, what anything means? How can you get through this?

You’ve been waiting for the kids to grow up. Now might be the time, but you’re not sure. When ARE they 'grown up'? And it all looks so difficult. Maybe it’s best to leave it a bit longer. But haven't you said that before?....

This isn't the first time. Once again, a relationship that seemed so promising at the start has come to a disappointing end. You wonder if you're really cut out for marriage or anything resembling it. You wonder how much is your own fault, how much is theirs? Perhaps you're just destined to be alone? Sometimes, you simply want to curl up into a ball and hide yourself away...

It's not over yet, at least you don't think it is. But things between you are frequently really difficult. There's precious little intimacy or tenderness between you, and you're wrapped up in unexpressed thoughts and emotions much of the time. Sometimes you want it to end, sometimes you want it to carry on. Part of you hopes your partner will decide for you....what's the best thing to do? 

It's over and at times you're positively relieved. But there's SO much to sort out. You have options, but also constraints. You want to get it right, but there's a lot that's unknown. You're not even totally sure what you want any more. 

You've been single a while and you know you want a partner, but when is the right time to try again? How do you go about it? You're concerned that history will just repeat itself; the prospect of another 'failure' in love is too awful to consider. How do you know it won't all happen again? In any case, there don't seem to be many fishes in your sea....

You both know it's over, but there's a lot that needs sorting out. You want to end it the best way you can, for everyone's sake including your own. But there are so many practical difficulties, and it can be hard to stay out of conflict. You find you have to avoid some issues, for the sake of an easier day.

If any of the above strikes a chord with you, then I'm confident I can help. Perhaps you see yourself in more than one scenario?

In summary, my approach is likely to work well if you are EITHER

  • in a long-term relationship which is causing you high levels of unhappiness, stress, anxiety, anger, self-blame or other negative emotions AND you know you want out


  • you're already in the process of separating, but sometimes feel overwhelmed or uncertain or both


  • you're now firmly single (probably living alone or as a single parent) but you're struggling to adapt and find relief or contentment without a partner


  • you're simply overwhelmed by separation/divorce/being alone, no matter the reason

I work with clients from all kinds of backgrounds, with all sorts of interests, and at every stage of life. But it's probably fair to say that if any of the following sound something like you then we're likely to work especially well together:

You're reflective, perhaps with a creative or spiritual interest of some kind

You crave clarity and the capacity to sustain good choices 

You long to fulfil aspects of yourself that have remained unfulfilled for years

You're plagued by stubborn negative beliefs

You're willing to try new approaches to fix old problems

photo by David Libson-Hochenberg